Anyone for a bash?

And still they keep coming - another good turnout for virgin hares Goodison Two Shoes and Princess Fiona. 
The rain held off (mostly) and the hares just about managed to guide everyone home. It was nice to see Barrel Boy leading the proceedings as guest HM (emeritus) and Child Abuse dished out the down-downs well. It was also great to see old returners once again.
As previously indicated - we are trying to get a mountain bike trail laid to coincide with each BYO last Saturday hash. Hopefully this will be starting from last Sat in March but we will need biking volunteers to set the bike trail - regular hares will not be doing this so it's up to the mountain bikers to make the effort here.
Also to confirm - as there will be no official LH3 hash camp out this Easter weekend a few hashers ...are planning their own weekend away which all are free to join. There will be hash runs and a hash "spirit" but for a number of reasons LH3 cannot make this an official event. Please see Purple Bush or Batman for details. 

Condom Man.

R*n No: 1657
Date 3rd March 2012
Time:15.00 hours
Hares: Chris and Dreadful
Venue: Chipalo Park - home of Enoch Kavindele former Vice President of Zambia
Directions: Take Leopards Hill Road - opposite O G Gym / Pilatus Garage turn LEFT onto dirt road and follow talc indicating turn off on RHS

Receding Hare Line:
Mar 10th Hamster
Mar 17th Boy Blue / Titilator
Mar 24th Bwalya / Joanna / Goretti
Mar 31st Batman (BYOB) Hopefully in addition to the normal runners and walkers trails this will be the first Bicycle Hash - BASH with a trail laid by and for mountain bikers
April 7th Nipples / Cream Dream
April 14th Squits / Lothario
April 21st Titus
April 28th Rhino (BYOB)

Walk like an Egyptian

SHAMED: Child Abuse.

Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012. 

Hares: Orca and Dreadful. 

Location: Forest Reserve. 

Hash Number: 1655. 

It had been a busy day for Hash Trash. Up at 7am, Autoworld 7.30am, football 10am. So he nearly gave it a miss. But thankfully not. Halfway up the road, Hash Trash realised he’d forgotten his hash mug. Back he went, 10 minutes behind schedule. Rocking up at 3.15pm, a good crowd had gathered for what turned out to be a great run, thanks to the hares. 

Off we went into the bush, following Orca’s trail, plenty of newbies leading the way. The pace wasn’t blistering, but that suited the majority well as we weaved our way along some new trails.

I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT: Tripod.

Cutting forward and back, we came out by the power lines, where a timely hash hold allowed Boy Blue to regale us with the time he had his passport stolen in Tanzania, before buying it back on the market the very next day. It was quite rightly pointed out that he could have bought anyone’s. In fact, as Hash Trash ran on, all manner of questions popped to mind. Was he actually the real Boy Blue?

The rain held off and the pace stayed thankfully pedestrian. We cut back north from the power lines after several fallse trails. The marks moved from ground to tree level so, that for a fantastic kilometre or so, we were guided on tree to tree. Well done Orca and Dreadful. Hash Trash approved.

Thanks to the rain our hares had to lay the trail more than once, so the last 500m or was guided by Dreadful. Needless to say, we all made it home, 66 in total, just fine.

Chipolopolo-clad, we gathered and Condom Man welcomed the newcomers, a healthy number I must add, which included Stella, Wilson, Abbey, Buba, Eugene, Sharriff, Lyndsey, Oliver and Nina. The Germans were here in force, which made a welcome change to most of Scandinavia.

Returner Frigid was welcomed back, before guest RA Princess Fiona was invited forth to dish out the punishment. Straight in the circle was our hare, Dreadful, who was lambasted for his choice of Chelsea shirt. Indeed we all toasted Chelsea’s star villain Didier “Samsung” Drogba, who thankfully blazed a second-half penalty over the bar, allowing the mighty Copper Bullets to triumph and bring home the bacon.

OXYGEN THIEVES: Doing stuff.

While we were on the subject of football, the masses were proudly clad in green in homage to the cup-winning exploits of the national team. Except for a stubborn three, namely Lothario, wearing the red of Wales, Matakos, who sported the three lions of England, and Child Abuse, who, to be fair, shouldn’t have been victimised, but was wearing a vaguely black New Zealandesque, rugby shirt. That was enough for a triple, as the circle cried “traitors!” 

Tripod was called forth for sporting a Zambian tea cosy on his head and Orca sank a beer for her ludicrously-spaced hash marking.

Sherriff was brought forth for walking the hash “like an Egyptian” and cries of “Here’s to the Bangles” rang forth throughout the glade.

EATING PLANKTON: Wales.

Yet again, our leader got all evangelical and “felt a naming coming on”. Goretti and Joanne were brought forth and duly named “Single shot” and “Money Shot”, before Batman snitched on Alan, who was heard wondering why cries of “Hard On” could be heard on the hash. It’s “On-on”, BTW!

NAMED AND SHAMED: Single Shot
and Money Shot.

Next up were the Bin Dealin’ clan, who were penalised for turning out in Rhodesian army-surplus green. The family turned on each other sharpish and Bin Breedin’ was penalised for not actually knowing the words to the hash anthem.

Thanks to the careful coaching of the other hashers, she managed to make it through the lyrics and it was generally agreed that, given ample practise, she might make a good singer! Which left just the tricky issue of Hash Sh*t. Now in our new post-MMD Zambia, we’re quite keen on cracking down on the abuse of power. As last week’s guest RA, Child Abuse was brought forth. His flat tire incident, left unreported at last week’s red dress hash, had been “Don’t Kubeba-ed” - especially after he’d flagged down Princess Fiona on the road, who manfully assisted in a pit-stop tire change clad in provocative red dress and double-Ds! Taking it like a true Lancastrian, Child Abuse showered half the circle with a potty-full of ale and that was that. On-on.

Back to the old church

Plenty of Zambian colours last week in celebration of the nation's epic win. A long forest reserve trail making the most of this fantastic running venue. We seem to be getting a fair few dogs each week which is great and we will endeavour to let you know if we have a dog friendly venue. This week is definitely such a venue so bring your hounds for a run in the bush.

Note that as this is the last Saturday of the month, it is also a bring your own BBQ / Braai. For those that want to stay on after the run hot coals will be provided - just bring your meat, eating irons and teeth.

Looking further into the future we are trying to get a mountain bike trail laid to coincide with each BYO last Saturday hash. Hopefully this will be starting from last Sat in March but we will need biking volu...nteers to set the bike trail - regular hares will not be doing this so it's up to the mountain bikers to make the effort here.

Even further into the future, there will be no official LH3 hash camp out this Easter weekend but a few hashers are planning their own weekend away which all are free to join. There will be hash runs and a hash "spirit" but for a number of reasons LH3 cannot make this an official event. Please see Purple Bush or Batman for details.

R*n No: 1656

Date: 25th February 2012

Time: 15.00

Hares: Princess Fiona and Goodison Two Shoes

Location: Old Church,Forest Reserve - Off State Lodge Road

Directions: Down Leopard's Hill Road, through the police barrier and then turn immediately left up State Lodge Road. After 700m turn off left onto dirt road (should be marked). Keep on down there past power lines until you see the marks off to the left - up the track to the old church.

Receding Hare Line:
Mar 3rd Moby Dick
Mar 10th Hamster
Mar 17th Boy Blue / Titilator
Mar 24th Bwalya / Joanna / Goretti
Mar 31st Batman (BYOB) Hopefully in addition to the normal runners and walkers trails this will be the first Bicycle Hash - BASH with a trail laid by and for mountain bikers

April 7th Nipples / Cream Dream
April 14th Squits / Lothario
April 21st Titus
April 28th Rhino (BYOB)

Cheers, Condom Man.

Ladies in red are hashing with me

A-MAIZE-ING: Hashing.

Date: Saturday, February 11^th, 2012.

Hares: Banjo, Look If You Like and Condom Man.

Location: Pioneer Camp.

Hash Number: 1654.

When is a good time to put your tits in? It’s not a question Hash Trash asks himself every day but, trundling along a dirt road on the way to Pioneer Camp, Hash Trash found himself asking that very question to his two companions, Goodison Two Shoes and Knee Trembler.

And the answer?  Not until you get there, it would seem. Unless, that is, you don’t mind changing Child Abuse’s flat tyre in a little red dress and a pair of D-cups. That slight hitch aside, 66 made it to Pioneer, all dressed up, for the red dress run. And what a sight some of us were.

Pioneer was a great location, although what camp (geddit?) guests thought of the hairy transvestite Nipples and Widow Twanky-esque Barrel Boy is another matter entirely. We were soon off into the bush, wending our way through corn fields before hitting the bush.

WE CAN SEE YOUR
GULLIES! Climbing.

And the hares did a great job with the trail and the terrain. We dipped in and out of steep-sided gullies, out along tall buffs and up and down lots of false trails. The fancy dress really added to the feel-good factor and much merriment was made along the way (including a few stops for photos and a random encounter with a herd of bulls – red not being the wisest of colour choices).

Banjo lead the way and it wasn’t long before we were all back at the circle, sinking bottled Mosi and waiting for the circle to begin. And what a circle it was. There’s something about cross-dressing that seems to bring out the naughty girl in us fellas.

Condom Man raised a toast to Albert Stephen (A.S.) Ignatius "G" Gispert, founder of the Hash House Harriers, who was killed 70 years to the day of the red dress run.

IN THE SPIRIT: Teenagers.

Rob marked the run with a respectable 47/22 and five newcomers were welcomed; Gill and Chris, who turned up none the wiser to our traditions but were soon decked out in a couple of pretty  numbers; Mary, brought  along by Polar Bear; Peace Corp veteran Britney and Hassan, all the way from Tanzania.  

Alan was also welcomed as a returner, sporting a very dubious wig (even by Zambian standards). A triple was quickly awarded to those who hadn’t bothered to dress in red (the shame), before the real business of the fashion awards commenced. Nipples beat off the real ladies, to be crowned ‘best dressed lady’, a vision of Lancashire loveliness.

Aussie the dog, looking splendid in dress, glasses and  visor, beat off ‘Widow Twanky’ Barrel Boy, ‘Lebanese hooker’ Lothario and ‘Italian pizza chef’ Elderberry to be crowned best boy and then all the oxygen thieves were paraded to much ‘oohing and aahing’, before it was decided that little Chloe was, in fact, the sweetest.

TRIPLE TIME: The circle.

Up next was a toast to the Chipolopolo girls, Moby and Titilator, who still managed to squeeze in some Zambian colours. In fact, much was made of Titilator’s “massive support”, ahem.

Those with the hairiest armpits were brought forth (thankfully, no ladies) and a down-down was ordered for the biggest princesses (Headlights, Barrel Boy and, of course, Princess Fiona). Sydney sank a warm flat Castle for her shocking blue underwear and Purple Bush was brought forth for her abuse of Aussie the dog (who seemed to actually be enjoying his red get-up).

And then we had a naming or two. Boy, oh boy, a certain Richard Bell and Sydney were certainly in for a treat and a set of names they would be embarrassed to tell anyone outside of a hashing circle.

TOILET HUMOUR: Hash
shit Squits.

With a few rowdy Brits in the circle, Rich never stood a chance as he was duly pronounced ‘Bell End’. Indeed, it wasn’t until Goodison Two Shoes had explained to him where he would find a bell end (and it’s not at the top of a church tower) that the penny dropped! Sydney was duly called forth and named Liquor and Poker, possibly because of a bawdy remark made earlier!

Matatu (Cat In The Hat) reached her 50-run milestone (well done, you) and off came the red dress for her 50-run T-shirt.

Which just left the matter of Hash Sh*t. Squits  was called forth. “Her crime?” you ask. Inviting her mates to a birthday party (the Valentine’s Bash) and charging them 100 pin a ticket! Shameless. Squits took it like a pro and downed the full toilet bowl of warm Castle as we all drank until the sun went down. On-on.

Chipolopolo iyee!

  In celebration of the Copper Bullets downing the mighty Elephants we would like to encourage everybody to show upon Saturday wearing their Zambian colours. Wear Green, Red or Copper or any combination of these. Or better still, wear your Chipolopolo shirts, chitenges or scarves.

R*n No: 1655
Date: 18th February 2012
Time: 15.00
Hares: Orca, Polar Bear
Location: Forest Reserve - Off State Lodge Road
Directions: Down Leopard's Hill Road, through the police barrier and then turn immediately left up State Lodge Road. After 700m turn off left onto dirt road (should be marked). Keep on down there until you see the marks off to the left.

Receding Hare Line:

Feb 25th Princess Fiona/Goodison Two Shoes (BYOB)

Mar 3rd Moby Dick
Mar 10th Hamster
Mar 17th Boy Blue / Titilator
Mar 24th Bwalya / Joanna / Goretti
Mar 31st Batman (BYOB) Hopefully in addition to the normal runners and walkers trails this will be the first Bicycle Hash - BASH with a trail laid by and for mountain bikers

April 7th Nipples / Cream Dream
April 14th Squits / Lothario
April 21st Titus
April 28th Rhino (BYOB)

Cheers, Condom Man.

Red Dress Run @ Pioneer Camp

Pretty In Pink Valentine's Bash @ Bongwe Barn

The history of hashing and the red dress run

HASH FATHER: Albert
Stephen Ignatius
"G" Gispert.

Hashing originated in December 1938 in Kuala Lumpur, then in the Federated Malay States (now Malaysia), when a group of British colonial officers and expatriates began meeting on Monday evenings to run, in a fashion patterned after the traditional British Paper Chase or "Hare and Hounds", to rid themselves of the excesses of the previous weekend. The original members included, Albert Stephen (A.S.) Ignatius "G" Gispert (widely acknowledged to be the founder and father of the Hash House Harriers), Cecil Lee, Frederick "Horse" Thomson, Ronald "Torch" Bennett and John Woodrow. After meeting for some months, they were informed by the Registrar of Societies that as a "group," they would require a constitution and an official name. A.S. Gispert suggested the name "Hash House Harriers" after the Selangor Club Annex, where the men were billeted, known as the "Hash House" for its notoriously monotonous food. Apart from the excitement of chasing the hare and finding the trail, harriers reaching the end of the trail would be rewarded with beer, ginger beer and cigarettes.

The Constitution of the Hash House Harriers is recorded on a club registration card dated 1950:

· To promote physical fitness among our members

· To get rid of weekend hangovers

· To acquire a good thirst and to satisfy it in beer

· To persuade the older members that they are not as old as they feel

Hashing died out during World War II after the invasion of Malaya, but was re-started after the war by most of the original group, minus A. S. Gispert, who was killed on 11 February 1942 in the Japanese invasion of Singapore, an event which we commemorate the 70th anniversary of today.

After the war, growth of Hashing remained small until 1962, when Ian Cumming founded a chapter in Singapore. The idea then spread through the Far East, Europe, Australia, and New Zealand, and North America, booming in popularity during the mid-1970s. At present, there are almost two thousand chapters in all continents of the world including two in Antarctica.

The Kuala Lumpur Hash House Harriers - more technically known as The Hash House Harriers (affectionately known to hashers around the world as “Mother Hash) have to date clocked up over 3,555 runs.

Lusaka Hash was founded in 1981 by Jeremy “Granny” Tunnacliffe from Bujumbura H3 and has been running continuously since this time with today being run number. The Hasher with the most runs is Gordon “Boy Blue” Murray with more than 789 runs to his credit while the longest serving hasher still running is Tony “Mansell” Harrison who has been hashing with LH3 since 1982.

The Red Dress Run may be the only completely original idea the Hash House Harriers have ever had. And it happened nearly by accident.

In 1987, a young lady wearing a red dress emerged from an airplane that had landed in southern California to visit a friend from her high school years. Shortly thereafter, she found herself transported to Long Beach, where her friend intended to introduce her to a zany running group called the Hash House Harriers. One member, noting her gender and attire, urged that she “just wait in the truck” until her host returned. With that goading, she ran into history sporting her red dress and heels and the legend was further spiced up by the fact that the pack ended up in the hot tub along with the lady in red still wearing her, by now, infamous red dress.

A year later [1988], to commemorate the event, the San Diego Hash House Harriers sent “The Lady In Red” an airline ticket to attend the first annual Red Dress Run. Hundreds of male and female hashers adorned themselves in red dresses for a spectacle widely covered by California newspapers and TV news. In addressing the crowd, The Lady In Red suggested that Hash House Harriers hold the Red Dress Run annually as an occasion to be used to raise funds for local charities

The tradition of the Hash House Harriers Red Dress Run quickly spread to every corner of the globe, including Beijing, Montreal, Ho Chi Minh City, Helsinki, Moscow, Tokyo, Washington, DC, Hobart (Australia) and countless other locations. Over the years, the Red Dress Run has been very successful in raising millions of dollars for a wide variety of local charities. The New Orleans Hash House Harriers attracted 7,000 participants to their Red Dress Run in 2011, raising more than $200,000 for 50 local charities.

Today the Red Dress Run is an integral part of the Hash House Harriers’ heritage and is as iconic as the Royal Selangor Club where the Hash House Harriers was born and as sacred to them as founder A.S. Gispert’s drinking vessel. It’s a tradition born before few organisations turned to running events as a way to raise money for charity and long before anyone ran in a dress of any colour. The Lady in Red (her actual hash name) continues to hash and attends Red Dress Run events that include a charity component, honouring the original Red Dress Run tradition.

Lusaka Hash Red Dress Run, was founded by Jackie “Itchy Bum” Johnston on 11th February 2006. Now preceded the night before by the equally popular Valentine’s Ball it has rapidly become one of LH3’s annual highlights. 

Thanks to Condom Man for putting together this article.

Smelling pisstakes

HAZARDS: Tanja.

Date: Saturday, February 4^th, 2012.

Hares: Orca and Dreadful.

Location: The Forest Reserve.

Hash Number: 1653

It was back to the forest reserve and a 3pm start prompt this week so that we could see the mighty Chipolopolo turn over the not so mighty Sudan. Hash Trash arrived to find just a handful had arrived and there were fears that our healthy January attendance might start to slip. But, sure enough, the hashers trickled in, 54 of them, mostly on time.

For once, yours truly wasn’t a sore head and the hash got underway pretty much bang on 3pm (that’s 15.00 for the Zambians)!

The ladies led the way as we cut through the undergrowth, a small band of intrepid runners.

The rain came down, but the trees kept the worst at bay as the pack followed the trail (mostly stuck to trees). 

SMELLING PISSTAKE:
Princess Fiona.

The going was nice and easy, with 2 hash holds (and everyone was happy to see Boy Blue, with his taps, at both!) as the runners and walkers crossed paths and in no time at all we were back where we started after a tumble or two in the mud.

The circle was devoid of any newcomers, but warmly welcomed returners Elvis and co.  Condom man made way for Child Abuse and the first down-downs were called.

Rich sensibly avoided too much competitiveness and furtively limbered up some place else. However, Tanja not only broke commandment one, thou shalt not stretch and limber, but did so right in front of our acting HM. Called in to the centre,  she sank one like a pro.

POP MUSIC: Swarfega and
Dorien.

Next up was a treble for our Chipolopolo fans. Squits, Swarfega and Batman, dressed to the nines in green, yellow, red and black, sank to their knees and sank one for Monsieur Reynard and the team.

Called up again, in quick succession, were Swarfega and fellow Scandy Dorien. Their crime? Non-hash approved popular music (the only acceptable tune being, of course,  Orca’s horn).

Elvis was dragged forth for his inappropriate attire and shouts of “here’s to the tramp” rang through the glade.

PRETTY IN PINK:
Cream Dream.

Up next were a trio who were pretty in pink leggings (ahead of the Valentine’s Bash). A treble was downed and committee members frantically called out for their remaining tickets to be sold. In fact, at this point, the circle sounded more like a Kasbah!

Child Abuse thoroughly lived up to his name by dragging in the oxygen thieves for some minor punishment, before Condom Man stepped up for a naming.

“I feel a naming, coming on!” sang our leader, getting all evangelical in the process.

“Ah-men!” replied the circle in unison.

ALL SMILES: Rob.

And Tanja was brought forth.  And she was orange, as she has been on most occasions. Although German (we won’t hold that against her though), Tanya has seemed more Dutch at times, sporting a favourite tangerine top.

So from that day forth she shall be known only as Hazards.

The circle toasted Hazards and we all raised our glasses (and plastic bottles – come on guys, Haberdasher has a perfectly reasonable line of hash mugs in the back of Condom Man’s Bear Gryllsmobile, just 30 pin).

This left just one small matter. Yes folks, Hash Sh*t. Except there was only ever going to be one nomination this week and, boy, did he know it!

CHIPOLOPOLO: Squits and co.

Antidisestablishmentarianism, Llanfairpwllgwyngyll-gogerychwyrndrobwll-llantysilio-gogogoch (no, really, it’s the name of a train station in Wales, just ask Lothario to say it), Mississippi, Onomatopoeia, Tintinnabulation and Lusaka – all difficult words to spell. Well, maybe not Lusaka. It’s only got five different letters and three syllables. Oh, and we all live there.

Yet that didn’t Princess Fiona from misspelling it in our blog web address, for the world to see, unnoticed for about a month. B*llocks.  The customary choice was given, clean and wet or dirty and dry. Off went the blue of Everton and on went the pink.

A toilet bowl full of Mosi was downed and yours truly doesn’t remember much after that! On-on.