Smelling pisstakes

HAZARDS: Tanja.

Date: Saturday, February 4^th, 2012.

Hares: Orca and Dreadful.

Location: The Forest Reserve.

Hash Number: 1653

It was back to the forest reserve and a 3pm start prompt this week so that we could see the mighty Chipolopolo turn over the not so mighty Sudan. Hash Trash arrived to find just a handful had arrived and there were fears that our healthy January attendance might start to slip. But, sure enough, the hashers trickled in, 54 of them, mostly on time.

For once, yours truly wasn’t a sore head and the hash got underway pretty much bang on 3pm (that’s 15.00 for the Zambians)!

The ladies led the way as we cut through the undergrowth, a small band of intrepid runners.

The rain came down, but the trees kept the worst at bay as the pack followed the trail (mostly stuck to trees). 

SMELLING PISSTAKE:
Princess Fiona.

The going was nice and easy, with 2 hash holds (and everyone was happy to see Boy Blue, with his taps, at both!) as the runners and walkers crossed paths and in no time at all we were back where we started after a tumble or two in the mud.

The circle was devoid of any newcomers, but warmly welcomed returners Elvis and co.  Condom man made way for Child Abuse and the first down-downs were called.

Rich sensibly avoided too much competitiveness and furtively limbered up some place else. However, Tanja not only broke commandment one, thou shalt not stretch and limber, but did so right in front of our acting HM. Called in to the centre,  she sank one like a pro.

POP MUSIC: Swarfega and
Dorien.

Next up was a treble for our Chipolopolo fans. Squits, Swarfega and Batman, dressed to the nines in green, yellow, red and black, sank to their knees and sank one for Monsieur Reynard and the team.

Called up again, in quick succession, were Swarfega and fellow Scandy Dorien. Their crime? Non-hash approved popular music (the only acceptable tune being, of course,  Orca’s horn).

Elvis was dragged forth for his inappropriate attire and shouts of “here’s to the tramp” rang through the glade.

PRETTY IN PINK:
Cream Dream.

Up next were a trio who were pretty in pink leggings (ahead of the Valentine’s Bash). A treble was downed and committee members frantically called out for their remaining tickets to be sold. In fact, at this point, the circle sounded more like a Kasbah!

Child Abuse thoroughly lived up to his name by dragging in the oxygen thieves for some minor punishment, before Condom Man stepped up for a naming.

“I feel a naming, coming on!” sang our leader, getting all evangelical in the process.

“Ah-men!” replied the circle in unison.

ALL SMILES: Rob.

And Tanja was brought forth.  And she was orange, as she has been on most occasions. Although German (we won’t hold that against her though), Tanya has seemed more Dutch at times, sporting a favourite tangerine top.

So from that day forth she shall be known only as Hazards.

The circle toasted Hazards and we all raised our glasses (and plastic bottles – come on guys, Haberdasher has a perfectly reasonable line of hash mugs in the back of Condom Man’s Bear Gryllsmobile, just 30 pin).

This left just one small matter. Yes folks, Hash Sh*t. Except there was only ever going to be one nomination this week and, boy, did he know it!

CHIPOLOPOLO: Squits and co.

Antidisestablishmentarianism, Llanfairpwllgwyngyll-gogerychwyrndrobwll-llantysilio-gogogoch (no, really, it’s the name of a train station in Wales, just ask Lothario to say it), Mississippi, Onomatopoeia, Tintinnabulation and Lusaka – all difficult words to spell. Well, maybe not Lusaka. It’s only got five different letters and three syllables. Oh, and we all live there.

Yet that didn’t Princess Fiona from misspelling it in our blog web address, for the world to see, unnoticed for about a month. B*llocks.  The customary choice was given, clean and wet or dirty and dry. Off went the blue of Everton and on went the pink.

A toilet bowl full of Mosi was downed and yours truly doesn’t remember much after that! On-on.