Walk like an Egyptian

SHAMED: Child Abuse.

Date: Saturday, February 18th, 2012. 

Hares: Orca and Dreadful. 

Location: Forest Reserve. 

Hash Number: 1655. 

It had been a busy day for Hash Trash. Up at 7am, Autoworld 7.30am, football 10am. So he nearly gave it a miss. But thankfully not. Halfway up the road, Hash Trash realised he’d forgotten his hash mug. Back he went, 10 minutes behind schedule. Rocking up at 3.15pm, a good crowd had gathered for what turned out to be a great run, thanks to the hares. 

Off we went into the bush, following Orca’s trail, plenty of newbies leading the way. The pace wasn’t blistering, but that suited the majority well as we weaved our way along some new trails.

I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT: Tripod.

Cutting forward and back, we came out by the power lines, where a timely hash hold allowed Boy Blue to regale us with the time he had his passport stolen in Tanzania, before buying it back on the market the very next day. It was quite rightly pointed out that he could have bought anyone’s. In fact, as Hash Trash ran on, all manner of questions popped to mind. Was he actually the real Boy Blue?

The rain held off and the pace stayed thankfully pedestrian. We cut back north from the power lines after several fallse trails. The marks moved from ground to tree level so, that for a fantastic kilometre or so, we were guided on tree to tree. Well done Orca and Dreadful. Hash Trash approved.

Thanks to the rain our hares had to lay the trail more than once, so the last 500m or was guided by Dreadful. Needless to say, we all made it home, 66 in total, just fine.

Chipolopolo-clad, we gathered and Condom Man welcomed the newcomers, a healthy number I must add, which included Stella, Wilson, Abbey, Buba, Eugene, Sharriff, Lyndsey, Oliver and Nina. The Germans were here in force, which made a welcome change to most of Scandinavia.

Returner Frigid was welcomed back, before guest RA Princess Fiona was invited forth to dish out the punishment. Straight in the circle was our hare, Dreadful, who was lambasted for his choice of Chelsea shirt. Indeed we all toasted Chelsea’s star villain Didier “Samsung” Drogba, who thankfully blazed a second-half penalty over the bar, allowing the mighty Copper Bullets to triumph and bring home the bacon.

OXYGEN THIEVES: Doing stuff.

While we were on the subject of football, the masses were proudly clad in green in homage to the cup-winning exploits of the national team. Except for a stubborn three, namely Lothario, wearing the red of Wales, Matakos, who sported the three lions of England, and Child Abuse, who, to be fair, shouldn’t have been victimised, but was wearing a vaguely black New Zealandesque, rugby shirt. That was enough for a triple, as the circle cried “traitors!” 

Tripod was called forth for sporting a Zambian tea cosy on his head and Orca sank a beer for her ludicrously-spaced hash marking.

Sherriff was brought forth for walking the hash “like an Egyptian” and cries of “Here’s to the Bangles” rang forth throughout the glade.

EATING PLANKTON: Wales.

Yet again, our leader got all evangelical and “felt a naming coming on”. Goretti and Joanne were brought forth and duly named “Single shot” and “Money Shot”, before Batman snitched on Alan, who was heard wondering why cries of “Hard On” could be heard on the hash. It’s “On-on”, BTW!

NAMED AND SHAMED: Single Shot
and Money Shot.

Next up were the Bin Dealin’ clan, who were penalised for turning out in Rhodesian army-surplus green. The family turned on each other sharpish and Bin Breedin’ was penalised for not actually knowing the words to the hash anthem.

Thanks to the careful coaching of the other hashers, she managed to make it through the lyrics and it was generally agreed that, given ample practise, she might make a good singer! Which left just the tricky issue of Hash Sh*t. Now in our new post-MMD Zambia, we’re quite keen on cracking down on the abuse of power. As last week’s guest RA, Child Abuse was brought forth. His flat tire incident, left unreported at last week’s red dress hash, had been “Don’t Kubeba-ed” - especially after he’d flagged down Princess Fiona on the road, who manfully assisted in a pit-stop tire change clad in provocative red dress and double-Ds! Taking it like a true Lancastrian, Child Abuse showered half the circle with a potty-full of ale and that was that. On-on.