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| SHANDY PANDY: LIYL. |
Date: Saturday, March 3rd, 2012.
Hares: Chris, Dreadful, Moby Dick.
Location: Enoch Cavendelli’s land.
Hash Number: 1657.
Attendance: 65 plus some men in hard hats.
The ‘wonderful’ road markings, combined with somebody’s birthday (also marked in white chalk), meant we had more than a few latecomers to this week’s run. However, it was a lovely starting location and the ominous rainclouds happily did not put everyone off.
Claims were made by Chris, Dreadful and Moby Dick of an 11k marathon endurance trail; a frightening thought for those who actually believed them. So we set off at a leisurely pace, with the oxygen thieves taking the lead. The run started with a plethora of titty checks (thanks a lot Dreadful and Chris – we know you just like drawing boobies!) and a slight incline. The pack leapt through some floral meadows and got to the first hash hold after about 65 minutes. The small gang of runners gazed admiringly at Matatu’s water bottles and were off pretty quick, with lost child Olivia Anderson taking the lead in her fetching silver flip-flops.
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| PEEING ON CHICKS: Golden Shower. |
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| WHO BROUGHT YOU? The boss. |
After a dark passage (?!) through some trees, we got to an alarming electric fence, which the leaders of the pack proceeded to follow (rather than the customary chalk). Unfortunately they all had to come back and tackle the mammoth hill they had tried to avoid, with Moby yelling ‘encouragement’ all the way. The second hash hold was reached in a time of around 2 hours 34 minutes, and then we were off again, round a corner, down a hill (following Matatu’s instructions as she had checked the trail out on her bike earlier in the day), up again because there were no markings down said hill, and down a different hill back to the circle.
After 5 hours of straight running, everyone got stuck in to a well-deserved beer. Purple Bush and Bin Dealin’ arrived back several months after the rest of us, having decided the walk was too short and taking the long cut.
The circle formed, Condom Man was back into the middle, with Princess Fiona as his ‘trusty sidekick’. Rumpled foreskin marked the run a miserly 19/23, then we celebrated the newcomers; Killian with Prince Charming, Sam with Sex In The Country, Steven and Mary from the US of A, Nicola and Sarah (VSO, don’t you know), and Janet and Alan from Durban. The returners were (mostly) welcomed back, Sail from Tanganyika, Ngwee from Kosovo after a mere 2 weeks absence, and Buju from ‘Inside’.
The ladies were unfairly penalised for not observing titty checks and Princess Fiona deservedly got beer thrown in his face. Girl power. Father of the Year, Murray Anderson, had a down-down for losing both his children at one point in the afternoon (or for finding them again, depending on who you ask). Making it a family affair, Princess Fiona brought Olivia into the circle, and had more drink thrown at him.
The circle formed, Condom Man was back into the middle, with Princess Fiona as his ‘trusty sidekick’. Rumpled foreskin marked the run a miserly 19/23, then we celebrated the newcomers; Killian with Prince Charming, Sam with Sex In The Country, Steven and Mary from the US of A, Nicola and Sarah (VSO, don’t you know), and Janet and Alan from Durban. The returners were (mostly) welcomed back, Sail from Tanganyika, Ngwee from Kosovo after a mere 2 weeks absence, and Buju from ‘Inside’.
The ladies were unfairly penalised for not observing titty checks and Princess Fiona deservedly got beer thrown in his face. Girl power. Father of the Year, Murray Anderson, had a down-down for losing both his children at one point in the afternoon (or for finding them again, depending on who you ask). Making it a family affair, Princess Fiona brought Olivia into the circle, and had more drink thrown at him.
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| CHEERS: Dreadful. |
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| HASH SHIT: Leah. |
Child Abuse and family were rewarded with a triple for their stylish ‘Mock-Swede’ raincoats. (Perhaps we need a Hash-Fash(ion) column for next week?) Unfortunately they broke the triple! SHAME! Condom Man, Titilator and Moby proved that even a broken stick can still be useful as Chris, Purple Bush and Bin Dealin’ stepped up for the second triple for some outrageous stretching, and treated us to some very disturbing poses in the circle. Look If You Like got the final down-down after being spotted mixing beer and water (and no, it wasn’t even Castle!).
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| FERAL: Oxygen thieves. |
To wind up business Chris was named ‘Golden Shower’ due to his obsession with chickpeas (chick–pees – geddit? I didn’t!) and then Look If You Like celebrated 100 runs, woo!
Matatu then optimistically came in with an announcement for the Kafue Gorge Run on 17th March, which promises to be EVEN LONGER than this week’s hash! But no hills. Phew.
Finally, Leah, on only her second hash ever, was granted the highest accolade of Hash Sh*t, after locking her car keys in her car. Oh dear. After donning the increasingly dirty shirt with a grin on her face, she was luckily able to get home due to the crapness of Rav4s and the fact anyone’s key fit in her door!
On-On!
Goodison Two Shoes.
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