Jacknifed lorries and watersports

Date: Saturday, June 2nd, 2012.

Hares: Dreadful and Samuel.

Location: Enoch Kavindele’s land.

Hash Number: 1670.

Attendance: 40

Featuring: Celebrity guests! Fantastic Fashion! Driving Disasters! Awesome Alliteration!

Dreadful and Samuel stepped up this week as hares once again for a ‘not-long, not-short, maybe-medium’ run. Starting in a stunning spot, we began with an inevitable incline. Luckily the trail soon flattened out and we all attempted to follow the terrific trail (I’m not making this up - in fact, someone, possibly a previous hare with an agenda, did comment on the perfection of this location as a hash venue). 

Plenty of checks, many with at least 6 going in each direction (effort to add to the excitement, not poor Maths skills, I’m sure), and some baby-bagging newcomers made this a very entertaining afternoon. Floppy, Moby Dick and Titilator had the best time as they all love water, literally leaping like gazelles over steep stony banks and white-water rapids along the way. Several round-about routes later, and with the happy late addition of Matatu and the gang, we all made it back safe and sound to Hash Beer – hurrah!

Circling up, Mansell and Titus were called on to mark the walk and run respectively. Apparently Golden Shower has a new best mate in Mansell after acting as his ‘crotch’ over some hilly bits. Still, even this didn’t put Mansell off and he gave Dreadful and Samuel a roaring 7 on the rectum scale. Front-runner Titus was almost as generous awarding a fabulous 4 out of 4 for fun times and water sports (I thought that was Golden Shower’s department? – Ed)

The newcomers stepped up next: Elissa Tilly from North Carolina, Ted from Rosedale, Alabama, and Rohan from Greenbow, Alabama, via Tokyo Hash (very generously making others come before himself), all 3 trying to get their unapproved medical research off the ground in Zambia. Babies in Shoprite bags, what could go wrong?! We also met the dashing Toby from London, sporting a rather fetching red and white number (made in Ghana – fancy!).

We realised with joy (and raucous cheering) that Princess Fiona was once again acting guest RA. Poor Titilator and Moby were the first into the circle for their totally rational fear of dogs and water. Milton Keynes lovers (yes, they are out there!) Samuel and Raspberry were penalised for advertising the really rather rubbish town of MK on their illegally obtained Hash T-Shirts and mugs.   Now, we all know that laziness on the Hash does not exist. Nipples will run twice around a trail at Ussein-Bolt-speed before he even begins the walk. So it was only fair that Batman enjoy a down-down after driving all of 5 metres from his house to the Hash venue. He was swiftly followed by Golden Shower and Bell End’s fellow ‘IT worker’ ACDC (Sean). Separated at birth, reunited at last behind wraparound sports shades and Bruce Willis haircuts. Matatu, Deep Throat, Goldilocks, Prince Charming, Shopaholic, DesRes and 3 oxygen thieves made up the rather large band of latecomers working on ZMT (Zambia Maybe Time). And then Purple Bush was in for a treat… Bell End was departing for Russia with (lots of lady) Love. If only we’d known what was under his T-shirt, we’d have got him a new shirt every week! The Harriettes  continued to admire the snazzily dressed Hashers, as Toby stepped up with his very colonial rowing attire, joined by Mansell and Ted for an empire-shorted triple. Another triple followed for the baby-wrapping medics.

Hash Sh* t, who else could it possibly have been? Of course, all round good sport and chardonnay-swilling Bell End! The shirt came off again, whoop! And we wished him a fond farewell.  Usually this would mean excitement over on the Hash but, not today! The former Vice-President, Mr Enoch Kavindele popped around into the circle for a quick beer and traffic update. What a gem! We would have to go the long way home…. However, after some gallant folks got out to push the more rubbish Hashmobiles, the convoy made it out of the forest, past the jack-knifed lorry, and finally out of Bauleni. What a day!

On on! G2S.