Jubilee Japes

Date: Saturday, June 9th, 2012.

Hares: G2S, Princess Fiona and Well Thumbed.

Location: Bongwe Barn, Roma.

Hash Number: 1671.

Attendance: A Diamond Jubilee-tastic 60 (+5).

At last, a right royal Roma-side knees-up! Huzzah! Jolly-rah! What what!

On this historic occasion (only 4 days after the actual Diamond Jubilee) crowds flocked to the historic gardens of Bongwe Palace to celebrate 60 years of Queen Elizabeth II and her illustrious husband, Prince Philip ‘The Greek’. The procession of Rav4s (and Toyotas of every other kind) arrived at the fashionable hour of 3 O’Clock amid a fanfare of trumpets and horns. The hordes descended, eager to pick up their limited edition haberdashery, and few were disappointed. Her Majesty made a brief appearance in a range of era-defining outfits, accompanied by her dashing son, Cheeky Charlie.

Finally, after much procrastination, the runners were off. Making a rapid start, Dirty Hobbit and Orca took the lead to much horn blowing. The ascent began but the athletes were all in tip-top form, ready and happy to tackle the most monstrous hills Roma has to offer. Requests for the uphill to cease were pointedly ignored. The first hash hold was well placed in a shady spot, leaving Hazards plenty of time for stretching, hmmmm. At this point, or perhaps at an earlier turning, Fruitcake managed to get himself lost. The police post made an ideal stop to file a missing persons report.

The multitudes paused to admire the views and the excellent off-road opportunities provided by the hares, before sprinting off once more, yes, the downhill had begun. Ditches and bushes were hurdled in spectacular fashion, until finally the hash hold (the one everyone made the trip for) really was ‘just around the corner’.

The cavalcade arrived at Villa Victoria 2, which had been decorated by a Turner-prize-winner whose partiality for bunting and royals was evident. Pimms was quaffed in decadent quantities and the pile of cucumber sandwiches in the shape of a corgi was swiftly demolished. A leisurely promenade brought the troops back to Bongwe, in time to find out that Chipolopolo had won and to get on with watching the rugger.

The sportsmen and women were dragged back in for the customary debriefing. Purple Bush gave the walk a diamond 60/60 for the awfully easy and predictable route, whilst Dirty Hobbit awarded the run a meagre 48/60 with a bonus 10 for the Pimms stop. Quite right, too.

Newcomers shuffled nervously into the circle. Erin from West Philadelphia born and raised, Mary of the USA, Mupi from here and Tanya (another baby-bagger!) were welcomed with aplomb. A glass was raised to a special returner, Matakos, lovely to see her back, and to a not so special one, Dirty Hobbit.

As tradition dictates the first toast favoured the royal visitors, Queen Raspberry, King Fruitcake, Elizabeth R (on the lav) and Princess Fiona, who then took over proceedings. A road run customarily does not provide many challenges, however Duracell and Titus clearly found the terrain little to their liking, and were penalised for their tumbling traumas.

There followed a short advertisement break: Cola Life sachet necklaces, cars on T-shirts all available in your local area. Please see Fruitcake, Raspberry, Titus and Frigid for further details, but remember to check the small-print. Advertising of a different kind was noted on Batman’s artistic French head. Vive la revolution (or not). In a similar vein, the tea-baggers from the other side of the Atlantic, baby baggers and newcomers, were appealed upon to return to the homeland.

Faces were downcast as it was announced that zumbanista Swarfiga was leaving. G2S has been reassured, however, that more Norwegians have been ordered.

The boring ‘thank yous’ to Princess Fiona, G2S, Matoke, Child Abuse, and Well Thumbed lasted a gratifyingly short amount of time and were followed by the exciting announcement that extra T-shirts and LH3 fleeces were available. Due to the recent cold spell, I have worn mine every day for a week and I am pleased to report it has not shrunk yet.

There was only one fitting finale to this fantastic day, the crowning of Hash Sh*t. The hashers heaved a sigh of relief as Titus was rewarded and thanked for sponsoring the T-shirts, with an extra wet thank you from his grateful wife.

There was a stampede of dangerous momentum as LH3 headed for the pig roast, more beer and a blurry end to a jolly Jubilee.

On on! G2S.