Blimey, we're back at last!

Date: Saturday, August 18^th 2012

Hares: Purple Bush and Titus.

Location: Chez Hares.

Hash Number: 1681

Attendance: 30ish

Following Team GB’s excellent performance in the equestrian events at the Olympics, this week’s run had a decidedly horsey theme (although Princess Anne was not available) with plenty of foalin’ around!

We had a lovely location, thanks to our Hares and as we arrived we noticed horses munching happily in the field and Floppy doing an impression of a guard dog, until the peaceful ambience was destroyed by the arrival of Condom Man as he took down a tree on his way to the car park.

After a brief warning about some ups and downs we set off around the car park. Some time passed before Titilator found the scent and was off at pace. As with any good national hunt race, there were a few fences to negotiate on the way round. Luckily the Hash took the shetland pony route under and through, rather than attempting any Red Rum style leaps. Much excitement ensued and Hashers were totally fooled at the checks until Orca realised it was not the same run as last year, BUT the same as the year before that! The pace decreased to a gentle trot as we crested a hill to a field full of zebras! Yup, black and white horses on the Hash. Buju must have been pre-warned as he came in camouflage. Following the inevitable zebra ‘jokes’*, we zebra-crossed over the road and onto the home stretch, picking up the Zambian children’s running squad. Although luckily most of us were more fortunate than Sean and Jilly who literally had their hard-core sprinters to pick up!

Arriving back at the perfectly manicured winner’s enclosure, miraculously a circle was formed sans chalk. Is this a Hash record?? Purple Bush and Titus were congratulated by Polar Bear for a very good walk (10/12), Barrel Boy eloquently concurred. Bin Dealin’ said the runwas excellent, as it had been 2 years previously and gave it 994/1000, the same as last time. And Buju, in his zebra fatigues, commended the marking of the trail, which must have been excellent for him to see it from the house!

Several newcomers were welcomed warmly, including Gertrude in real estate, Cipho (unemployed in London), Tony Weller, American beer connoisseur, Grimsby from Perry, Churchill the bulldog and Simon (also unemployed). We also greet ed returners Bridget, Matakos and Twiggy. Hurrah!

The first of the down-downs went to the tumblers, Laura and Condom Man (note to Hashers: don’t tell Hash Trash if you fall over, it will certainly be punished, Laura!). Moby Dick arrived just in time to model some very responsible drinking in a fancy new jacket. Hash hero is a big title to award; this week there were three smaller Hashettes who ran the distance: Sierra, Jessica and Anna, well done!

Simon and Cipho represented Team GB, alongside Winston (Churchill, obviously), for an Olympic down-down. Condom Man and Princess Fiona were then punished for their horrendous driving (see earlier and later mentions for details). Purple Bush’s chalk-free lawn, which had been much admired, earned her a beer and we rounded up the circle with a reminder to avoid places where people are smashing stuff in the streets from Boy Blue.

Finally, we got to the naming of Miss Laura Street. Was it Easy Street? No, too easy! Letsby Avenue? Of course it was!

There was only one choice for Hash Sh*t this week. Following a miraculous problem free holiday with the Rav-4, Princess Fiona put the poor thing into a ditch. The jockey remained uninjured until he went home and told G2S. Deserved Hash Sh*t this week!

Finally, many thanks to Titus and Purple Bush for excellent bar work post-Hash!

On on! Goodison Two Shoes.

 *There was a zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on a bit so the zoo keeper decided as a treat that she could spend her final years in bliss on a farm. The zebra was so excited to see this huge space with green grass and all these strange animals. She saw a big fat weird looking brown thing and ran up to it all excited, "Hi! I'm a zebra, what are you?"

"I'm a cow" said the cow.

"Right, and what do you do?" asked the zebra.

"I make milk for the farmer" said the cow.

"Cool." The zebra then saw this funny looking little white thing and ran over to it. "Hi, I'm a zebra, what are you?"

"I'm a chicken," said the chicken.

"Oh, right, what do you do?" asked the zebra.

"I make eggs for the farmer." said the chicken.

"Right - o, great, see ya round." Then the zebra saw this very handsome beast that looked almost exactly like her without the stripes. She ran over to it and said, "Hi, I'm a zebra, what are you?"

"I am a Stallion," said the stallion.

"Wow," said the zebra. "What do you do?"

"Take off your pyjamas darling, and I'll show you."