Fresh Meat!

Fresh Meat R*n

Date: Saturday, September 8th 2012

Hares: Princess Fiona, G2S, Drug Peddlar

Location: Forest reserve

Hash Number: 1685

Attendance: 57

As the weather hots up in Lusaka, so does the Hash! What a great attendance for Princess Fiona’s final hash (for a while) and the ANNUAL Fresh Meat R*n. Mismanagement watched in glee as newcomers arrived, fresh-faced, driving straight through the circle – we knew it was going to be a good day!

Barrel Boy, as acting HM, did a great job of introducing the theory of Hashing, and by the end of his ramblings, no-one had run for the hills- result! There was surprisingly a fair bit of confusion as the pack set off a-pace and found the trail. We arrived swiftly at the first HashHold, and Chris had a minor heart attack. Ignoring him, we soon moved off again, Fruitcake leading the way (and getting set upon by a pack of dogs in the process).

Crossing the power lines again, Bin Breedin’ sent everyone off on a wild goose chase after a rfalse call of ‘cut back’ – shame! The trail then dragged on for ages, the runners flew and hobbled past the walkers to the old church, then down the hill. A quick cut through some bush and everyone made it back safely (we think).

Beer was welcomed warmly on return to base and we settled down for a final dreadful circle with RA Princess Fiona. Barrel Boy enticed Aged Lothario and Knee Trembler in first to mark the r*n. Aged Lothario gave the walk 10/10, in spite of Tripod’s inane gossip. Knee Trembler gave the r*n an unheard of 118/2, because it did have everything – chalk, runners, kids peeing, the lot!

The Fresh Meat leapt into the circle next. We were delighted to welcome hiring and firing Kate from Minnesota, bemused Brian from Long Island, coming-of-her-own-free-will Kath, Latino hottie Ray, sleepless Sarah from Seattle, Deanna off of USAID, Airtel-Indian Amrit, Californian Chris (having survived the heart attack) and lawful Akatama. Kenny and Knee Trembler were welcomed back to the fold before we got onto the main business of the day.

First up for crimes contravening Hash driving laws were Chris and Daddy’s Boy. They were followed by, hang on, Daddy’s Boy again, for tumbling. Whipping Boy might be more apt… Fruitcake took his turn, inevitably, for doggy-style antics. Then the first triple came for Squits, Scooby Do and Kenny for short-cutting the walk. It really wasn’t that far!

Bo, Cupid and Barrel Boy were mocked for their choice of new footwear and newbies Chris and Ashley were honoured in the standard fashion. Batman was celebrated for living up to his Hash name by catching a thief earlier on in the week (the police lived up to theirs by releasing him as they had no ZESCO). And finally it came to our attention there was a football match on; Squits, Twiggy, Kenny, Shopaholic and Matoke wore their true colours and toasted to fair play!

Despite the doggy sex in the circle, the show had to go on. Batman announced his exhibitionism (not really news) before we said bugger off to Princess Fiona, stand-in RA and occasional HashTrash. There were tears as he received a new free T-shirt before we held our breath to discover… who would be Hash Sh*t? Cupid suffered a brief nervous moment for her crime of cuddling up to B.O. (or is it Bo?), before the inevitable occurred. Princess Fiona stripped, tried and failed to drown the potty and gloried in the Hash Sh*t award.

On on!

Picture special - New Kasama hash

Déjà vu – again!

Date: Saturday, September 1st, 2012.

Hares: Orca, Polar Bear and Dreadful.

Location: Enoch Kavindele’s land, New Kasama.

Hash Number: 1684.

Attendance: 31.

As we stood around waiting for latecomers at this week’s hash, it was almost impossible not to start pontificating about nature and the spectacular scenery (including and in particular the caravan with no wheels). Luckily any poetic tendencies were halted with the beginning of the run.

The run appeared to start off well and we skirted the edge of a hill, leaves crunching underfoot. However, it wasn’t long before it all, inevitably, went wrong. The pack lost the trail, the hares lost the plot, but at the top of a gigantic hill we found the first hash hold –result! Orca duly informed us that this was not OUR hash hold and sent us off on a classic Orca loop to stumble over stones and boulders. We reached another hash hold, oh no, in fact, it was the same one! Deja-vu, again remarked Bin Dealin! Confusion reigned as Swedish led us all astray and Dreadful got a wee bit confused about his trail. Luckily, Drug Peddlar and Erin were at hand to get us back on the right track and back to base.

Mosi overflowed as we circled up. Condom Man gave the run 2/10 for awfulness but 15/10 for the location, resulting in an overall score of 17 ½ /20: Very respectable. Golden Shower dubbed the walk ‘the best walking trail ever’, but that might have had something to do with Polar Bear’s threatening looks in his direction! We were then all very privileged to meet our one newcomer this week – Not Floppy (look at the ear!). She may have been called Aila.  Cue some animal abuse with water poured all over the dog and a few terrible jokes (What do you have on the top of a house? Ruff!): Terrible, Condom Man.

Unfortunately, Princess Fiona was back in the middle as RA. Golden Shower took the first down-down for a lovely English rugby shirt marred by the fact it was worn by a South African. Cockney-Zambian Sipho (returning after a long stint in London) obviously had too much time in the grey drizzle and chills of the UK – hopefully his down-down helped to cool him down after he complained about the heat!

Condom Man and G2S had their dirty secret outed – yes, they had bought new shoes fairly recently, but had been too chicken to wear them to the hash. Then the Zambian ladies (Single Shot, Money Shot, Polar Bear, Orca and Twiggy) revealed their not-so-well-kept phobia of rubber snakes - pretty scary.

Tripod was penalised for enjoying the fact his family had buggered off again – family man, indeed! It may have been at this point that Not Floppy got a bit enthusiastic about chasing off small children with her ferocious barks (or maybe that was Purple Bush).

Sugamamma and Daddy’s Boy enjoyed their moment in the circle for a lack of hash attire, AND claiming to have been too busy for the past 3 months to attend the hash. There really is not that much to do in Lusaka! The stretchers – Swedish and Bin Dealin’ showed off their poses in the circle and a triple was called for – who else could make the Swedish triple but Blow Job?!

No really important announcements led us directly on to Hash Sh*t. Golden Shower clearly thought it was ok to try to pull off the ‘Bradley Wiggins’ look with his ginger mutton chops and England attire. Sorry, it’s not! The shirt came off, the gentlemen gawped and we got stuck in to the rest of the Mosi.

On on! G2S

Fresh Meat run this Saturday - come one, come all!

A small but perfectly formed pack last week as a few regulars managed to miss what was a great run. The venue was one of may favourites - part of the fast disappearing parts of the forest at the back of New Kasama and it didn’t disappoint with a meandering trail through beautiful Miombo woodland with Brachystegia pods crunching underfoot and popping overhead.
This week’s R*n: This week we will be having our annual Fresh Meat R*n. This is designed to encourage newcomers to come along to the hash and as such anybody who has never r*n (or walked with LH3 will get (for this week only!) a free r*n. So - all of you who signed up to the e-mail in a fit of new to Lusaka enthusiasm which you haven’t followed through by actually attending - here’s your chance to do so. Why not have a go? Contrary to popular myth - we don’t bite and you never know - you might actually enjoy getting out of town at the weekend, meeting some new people, having a bit of gentle exercise followed by a cold beer in convivial, welcoming company. Regulars - why not drag along those friends and colleagues who have always been promising to join you but never quite made it?
Date: 8th September 2012 
R*n number: 1684 
Time: 15.00 
Hares: Princess Fiona, Goodison 2 Shoes and Drug Peddler
Location: Forest Reserve - State Lodge Road
Directions: Down Leopards Hill Road and after the barrier turn LEFT onto State Lodge Road. Go down State Lodge Road for 700m and then turn LEFT onto a dirt road. Keep going down this dirt road go under the power lines and look for a arrows in white chalk indicating turn off to the left.


On-on! Condom Man.

Picture special - Unza and Chez Purple Bush hashes

The students are revolting!

Date: Saturday, August 25^th 2012.

Hares: Boy Blue and Matoke.

Location: UNZA (somewhere underneath the rubbish we presume).

Hash Number: 1683.

Attendance: 43.

The Hash was delighted to be back at UNZA once more to find it pretty much unchanged and untidied since the last time! Students enjoying a peaceful spot under the trees were quickly charged off, and presumably went back to revolting.

The r*n got off to a confused start, as wily Boy Blue had clearly seen the ‘just follow the Hare’ technique and deliberately led us all astray. Orca seemed personally affronted that the route was different to previous escapades, but she cheerfully and quietly ran on anyway. We leapt over rubbish heaps trying to find the trail, and eventually it lead us through some lovely reeds. Best not to know what was underneath there! We passed by a rowdy party (it was here that we lost Dreadful for some time, along with Sean and Jinny, although they later blamed it on the kids), and continued to admire Africa’s number one learning establishment.

We reached our first Hash Hold after daring antics tight-rope walking across a pipe and continued to swim though the rubbish, and at the second Hold we checked out the reds vs blues game (obviously the blues were winning). Going was bumpy but we arrived at the scenic part of the run: Arcades! The final stretch through the trees was shady and pleasant but somewhat marred by the fact that Boy Blue obviously left his dirty socks from setting the r*n in the forest.

Teetering over the stepping stones, we followed the on-in to our cars (still there, hurrah!) and got stuck into the Mosi. In the circle we discovered many interesting facts about Boy Blue such as…. errrrr, nevermind. Simon from Manchester marked the run ‘rubbish!’ and rather harshly gave 8/15. Barrel Boy gave a much more valid 9.1. We welcomed newcomers April from Texas, yee-hah, Blow Job from Sweden (a friend of Condom Man’s of course), Swedish from Botswana and Alison, also from Texas.

Happily for everyone we had a much better RA than usual, in the form of G2S (yup, I am the one writing this)! Yes, finally PF’s Everton loyalty overcame his love for the Hash. However this kicked off the first down-downs for the mighty Blues’ unsuccessful opponents, Simon and Tripod.

Look if you Like, Hazards and Swedish were brought in for a luminous triple due to their ‘eye-catching’ attire. They were followed by April with her Full Monty stripper trousers, and Moby Dick with some fetching body jewellery – certainly improper clothing on the Hash!

Improper behaviour was next on the cards, with the shortcutters, Money Launderer, Sugababe,  Condom Man and Rob all earning a down-down. They were followed by Alison, who went on safari and forgot her camera, and Doggy Style, who had forgotten a child. The final punishment deservedly went to Mr Bizarre, who thought that when ‘HASH HOLD’ was being called, it was his name, Arsehole, instead!

The announcers made a big push for the Fresh Meat r*n on 8^th September before we got on to the main business: Hash Sh*t. There really was no question at all after we found out that Money Launderer had been asked to provide rubbish bins for UNZA and had refuse-d. Well done, Money Launderer!

On on! G2S