Fresh Meat R*n

Date: Saturday, September 8th 2012

Hares: Princess Fiona, G2S, Drug Peddlar

Location: Forest reserve

Hash Number: 1685

Attendance: 57

As the weather hots up in Lusaka, so does the Hash! What a great attendance for Princess Fiona’s final hash (for a while) and the ANNUAL Fresh Meat R*n. Mismanagement watched in glee as newcomers arrived, fresh-faced, driving straight through the circle – we knew it was going to be a good day!

Barrel Boy, as acting HM, did a great job of introducing the theory of Hashing, and by the end of his ramblings, no-one had run for the hills- result! There was surprisingly a fair bit of confusion as the pack set off a-pace and found the trail. We arrived swiftly at the first HashHold, and Chris had a minor heart attack. Ignoring him, we soon moved off again, Fruitcake leading the way (and getting set upon by a pack of dogs in the process).

Crossing the power lines again, Bin Breedin’ sent everyone off on a wild goose chase after a rfalse call of ‘cut back’ – shame! The trail then dragged on for ages, the runners flew and hobbled past the walkers to the old church, then down the hill. A quick cut through some bush and everyone made it back safely (we think).

Beer was welcomed warmly on return to base and we settled down for a final dreadful circle with RA Princess Fiona. Barrel Boy enticed Aged Lothario and Knee Trembler in first to mark the r*n. Aged Lothario gave the walk 10/10, in spite of Tripod’s inane gossip. Knee Trembler gave the r*n an unheard of 118/2, because it did have everything – chalk, runners, kids peeing, the lot!

The Fresh Meat leapt into the circle next. We were delighted to welcome hiring and firing Kate from Minnesota, bemused Brian from Long Island, coming-of-her-own-free-will Kath, Latino hottie Ray, sleepless Sarah from Seattle, Deanna off of USAID, Airtel-Indian Amrit, Californian Chris (having survived the heart attack) and lawful Akatama. Kenny and Knee Trembler were welcomed back to the fold before we got onto the main business of the day.

First up for crimes contravening Hash driving laws were Chris and Daddy’s Boy. They were followed by, hang on, Daddy’s Boy again, for tumbling. Whipping Boy might be more apt… Fruitcake took his turn, inevitably, for doggy-style antics. Then the first triple came for Squits, Scooby Do and Kenny for short-cutting the walk. It really wasn’t that far!

Bo, Cupid and Barrel Boy were mocked for their choice of new footwear and newbies Chris and Ashley were honoured in the standard fashion. Batman was celebrated for living up to his Hash name by catching a thief earlier on in the week (the police lived up to theirs by releasing him as they had no ZESCO). And finally it came to our attention there was a football match on; Squits, Twiggy, Kenny, Shopaholic and Matoke wore their true colours and toasted to fair play!

Despite the doggy sex in the circle, the show had to go on. Batman announced his exhibitionism (not really news) before we said bugger off to Princess Fiona, stand-in RA and occasional HashTrash. There were tears as he received a new free T-shirt before we held our breath to discover… who would be Hash Sh*t? Cupid suffered a brief nervous moment for her crime of cuddling up to B.O. (or is it Bo?), before the inevitable occurred. Princess Fiona stripped, tried and failed to drown the potty and gloried in the Hash Sh*t award.

On on!